#328: These Thoughts Don’t Stick Like They Used To

Focus now, replete in clarity -

This mind well ordered by the balm of sleep -

And ease of thought, far flung anxieties -

A breadth of thought, so -

wait

so -

fuck

so … rich?

nope,

so…

shit

shitting shitsticks, I had this

I knew this

I fucked it up.

Focus.

No. You fucked it up.

You know this. Focus. It’s on the tip of your tongue.

No. It’s gone. It’s gone forever. Incredible.

Incredible.

What kind of mind drains information that quickly? What’s the fucking point of trying to learn this shit, trying to learn anything at all, if it floods out your ears the first time you’re under pressure? The first time you have to speak with other people watching you?

Enough. Remember that the only pressure that exists is the pressure you put on yourself.

Try telling that to someone being strangled.

I said enough. Take a step back.

Forests blown by gentle winds. Fireplaces. A cat purrs. You shut the door after a busy day, a good, busy day. No one is home. The only person you’ll have to talk to is the kid who brings the takeaway. Your phone is charged. The curtains are drawn and it is warm.

Ok?

Ok.

I’m sorry. I’m an idiot.

You’re an idiot. Try again?

Heart racing at the mere idea. But yes.

Ahem:

Focus now, replete in clarity -

This mind well ordered by the balm of sleep -

And ease of thought, far flung anxieties -

A breadth of thought, so -

so -

you know this.

I know you know this.

A breadth of thought so fucking far from me.